I dreamed that someone said to me: you have now time of about fifty years left to create your life as nicely as possible because in the end and after all you will be placed in hell because of your suicide attempts. For you there can only be paradise on earth maybe but not in heaven.
Today I cried. If someone could make my biggest wish come true.. make it unhappen all the sorrow of the past.
There is no perfect life without any pain and problem.
How US-American parents complained about their children committing suicide because those had listened to Linkin Park. Like those dumbass people who did with Marilyn Manson because of the amok runners. Did you ever think then that your children themselves have felt kind of attracted to their songs for a more profound reason?
All this story about all of it happening must be the heavily ironic part of a sadly ignorant way of world-style in a system where people need to find scapegoats, not being able to see all the truth before the tragedy.
This is the funny thing about Chester Bennington: He just wrote about all of his suffering before and you could listen but you didn’t. And it can’t be any surprise what he did, actually, and what some of your deeply sad children.
I am no exact fan, any more, but when I was 13, LP was my favourite group of rock and it was the one teaching me to learn English language myself to understand all the contents of their songs.
eine geschichte. ein märchen. ein fairytale. aber das mädchen entschied sich dazu, es unfairytale zu nennen stattdessen. und die geschichte beginnt. aus dem krankenhaus. ich mag keine vielen kurzen sätze hintereinander, also hier mal ein längerer. jedenfalls wird das mädchen nach seinem selbstmord am 20. mai viele neue gedichte auf seiner seite veröffentlichen, bis die zeit auch wieder rum ist und neue geschichten irgendwie schon losgetreten werden.
#1
der vogel kämpft sich aus dem ei
das ei ist die welt
der welt ist einerlei
was dem vogel dran gefällt
der vogel ist allein
wohl ganz und gar verloren
er möchte flügge sein
wie einmal neugeboren
das ei ist die welt
sie zwingt ihn zu verstehen
dass alles bald zerfällt
ein kommen und ein gehen
there is a newer fight
two stories about perspectives.
not to say I’m special, but I am. Haha.
Once I was in class of Gymnasium with adults (I was second youngest of 22) we had to analyze a short story about a relationship of a medi-age-couple with kids. they were having breakfast and a difficult topic came up referring to the kids. the parents disagreed totally. and the father, then, left off, without discussion any more. we had to analyze this relationship. but it went on because the father stayed alone for the whole day, the mommy cried and daddy wrote a letter in the end to explain himself. we didn’t know what he wrote.
all mates (?) in class of mine – and even the teacher – agreed on the decision to judge this relationship the way it was bad and not lovely. but I was disagreeing and I raise my arm and said: But can’t this be lovely, as well? You might not know, what they both would have done if the father hadn’t left. He was kind and brave enough to develope some space and time inbetween their love. All others didn’t understand what I was saying. I shut my mouth after and thought I was wrong.
Another one:
Once I was in class of normal school for trainees (media design workers) with kids only (I was second oldest of 23), the teacher handed out a short story in German lessons. The story was about a hard-working working man who always said YES to all kinds of work, never complained, and never said „NO this is too much right now, someone else needs to do it“. He refused to go on vacation and he got stocks of papers to care about in his office. All his colleagues started to talk about him, stare at him and wonderin about his behaving. They did not insult him, but they said, after once the hard-working man had killed himself, they said, yeah, somehow this was something predictable. They really never insulted him in the short story and we, the class, needed to analyze social behaving of the group. All of the others and even the teacher (about 60-year-old-man) were sure those colleagues were cruel and bullying and not kind.
But this was nothing I could see and I raise my arm as well and said: But, can’t this be normal behaving, as well? I couldn’t explain my feelings then but today I see, if you behave like a slave and you show to others that you are not worth a beautiful, stressless life, then the others will treat you this way and (ab)use the situation. But this is Kharma. And so, I think, if the hard-working man couldn’t find out for himself to love himself and say „NO, this is too much“, then this is his own fault and his own decision on a worthless life.
I’m done.
By the way: As I said (this is two years ago now) they all looked at me and didn’t understand anything. And I thought, damn, I must be wrong… But I’m not and I know it.
Fine.
I will grow oldest.
[A][B][C] 