I dreamed that someone said to me: you have now time of about fifty years left to create your life as nicely as possible because in the end and after all you will be placed in hell because of your suicide attempts. For you there can only be paradise on earth maybe but not in heaven.
Today I cried. If someone could make my biggest wish come true.. make it unhappen all the sorrow of the past.
There is no perfect life without any pain and problem.