Drugs can’t break your heart..


I want to share this, but this is not meant to be narcissistic in any way. I wrote this to James Edgar Skye referring to his blog entry Are Antipsychotic Drugs Safe? and I think, my own two readers might be interested, maybe maybe. So this is what I wrote about Are Antipsychotic Drugs Safe? :

Hey James. I’m really interested in reading. But in fact you make me wanna tell you my own experiences about antipsychotic drugs. I hope you don’t judge me for this but I really would like to share.
I had been taking those drugs for about 10 years and they made me believe I need them. During those ten years (so since I was 16 I started to take anti-depressiva) I quit taking them one year and all symptoms like anxiety, nervousness and chaos quickly started to grow up again and I used to think I wouldn’t be strong enough to stand these feelings myself.

Never ever those pills kept me from trying to hurt or even kill myself while I took them constantly again. This is the ironic stuff about.
After ten years of taking anti-depressiva I noticed my own life and feelings changing the way they turned out to be worse than ever. I told my doctor and she gave me medicine you can take in a complicated or bad situation (diacepam). I really started enjoying taking these pills cause they totally knocked me out instantly so all my body and soul could relax immediately. I took them for about four months (besides I consumed my regular alcohol on the weekend etc.) and a short time later I developed a very bad and terrible psychosis with all of hallucinations etc.

In several hospitals I was given haloperidol, olanzapine or lorazepam without my permission cause I was not able to speak for myself any more. Those drugs made me like their total mental slave and led to an enormous feeling of hunger so that I started eating the very most I ever did in my life. So I became fat. Afterwards, I quit taking everything. I grew the worst depression in human history then and was given aripiprazole. After 3 weeks I tried to kill myself for the first time. This was the normal „side-effect“ to even read about in the package insert and so I quit taking them again. We tried another, same thing happened after 4 weeks. I quit again becoming almost clean and same thing happened after 4 more weeks again. After my last suicide attempt, which was very dramatic in May 2017, I made a decision to become clear and clean, totally. I haven’t been taking any kind of drug (except from alcohol from time to time) and since then my body has developed powers again I never thought I would even have those.

Thing I learnd about pharma industry is they want to make cash and experiments on the patients‘ risk and what truely is a fact is that all sorts of drugs can have those annoying side-effects or support those things they should actually help against. And they make you „addicted“, not even mentally only, but also in a physical way, which is the most absurd thing about medicine.
After ten years of drugs my thyroid already had grown a very aggressive rebellion and was full of lumps so it had to be taken away, almost completely. At the age of 26 and doctors told me, this is an unusually young age.

I am „free“, totally free now and I can strengthen my own health by choosing on what to eat and what to drink and this helps me for sports I can do (before I was the laziest person on earth), but all of this needed time of course, a long time of finding out that I need to go through the most destructing hell first before I could become stronger again. You need to survive the crisis before brighter days can start again. I’m sure about. I hope you don’t blame me for such a long comment.

See or „read“ you, coffeeld



there are really worse things in life than being a little fatty, aren’t there? I mean, to be in a schizophrenia mode for always, for example, alright? Imagine. This would be total hell. But if I trust all my doctors and take pills as they say and avoid hard alcohol or alcohol at all and drugs of course, nothing bad can happen to me, again, is that right? Tell me.

learnt a few things

es kommt niemals bloß darauf an, was man sagt oder tut. es kommt darauf an, was man den andern mit seinen worten und taten zu fühlen gibt. und wenn man einem das gefühl gibt, dass man nicht fühlen kann so wie man es meint, sondern nur leere worte verwendet, dann resultiert daraus keine standhafte oder fruchtbare beziehung in meinen augen.
genau so wenig aus der tatsache, unter einfluss von gras die kontrolle über sich selbst und über seine krankhafte, krankhaft unangebrachte eifersucht zu verlieren und dann handgreiflich zu werden und eine wohnungstür einzuschlagen.

ich bin eine kleine, verletzte seele.
und ich bin wieder single.
wen’s interessiert.