Drugs can’t break your heart..


I want to share this, but this is not meant to be narcissistic in any way. I wrote this to James Edgar Skye referring to his blog entry Are Antipsychotic Drugs Safe? and I think, my own two readers might be interested, maybe maybe. So this is what I wrote about Are Antipsychotic Drugs Safe? :

Hey James. I’m really interested in reading. But in fact you make me wanna tell you my own experiences about antipsychotic drugs. I hope you don’t judge me for this but I really would like to share.
I had been taking those drugs for about 10 years and they made me believe I need them. During those ten years (so since I was 16 I started to take anti-depressiva) I quit taking them one year and all symptoms like anxiety, nervousness and chaos quickly started to grow up again and I used to think I wouldn’t be strong enough to stand these feelings myself.

Never ever those pills kept me from trying to hurt or even kill myself while I took them constantly again. This is the ironic stuff about.
After ten years of taking anti-depressiva I noticed my own life and feelings changing the way they turned out to be worse than ever. I told my doctor and she gave me medicine you can take in a complicated or bad situation (diacepam). I really started enjoying taking these pills cause they totally knocked me out instantly so all my body and soul could relax immediately. I took them for about four months (besides I consumed my regular alcohol on the weekend etc.) and a short time later I developed a very bad and terrible psychosis with all of hallucinations etc.

In several hospitals I was given haloperidol, olanzapine or lorazepam without my permission cause I was not able to speak for myself any more. Those drugs made me like their total mental slave and led to an enormous feeling of hunger so that I started eating the very most I ever did in my life. So I became fat. Afterwards, I quit taking everything. I grew the worst depression in human history then and was given aripiprazole. After 3 weeks I tried to kill myself for the first time. This was the normal „side-effect“ to even read about in the package insert and so I quit taking them again. We tried another, same thing happened after 4 weeks. I quit again becoming almost clean and same thing happened after 4 more weeks again. After my last suicide attempt, which was very dramatic in May 2017, I made a decision to become clear and clean, totally. I haven’t been taking any kind of drug (except from alcohol from time to time) and since then my body has developed powers again I never thought I would even have those.

Thing I learnd about pharma industry is they want to make cash and experiments on the patients‘ risk and what truely is a fact is that all sorts of drugs can have those annoying side-effects or support those things they should actually help against. And they make you „addicted“, not even mentally only, but also in a physical way, which is the most absurd thing about medicine.
After ten years of drugs my thyroid already had grown a very aggressive rebellion and was full of lumps so it had to be taken away, almost completely. At the age of 26 and doctors told me, this is an unusually young age.

I am „free“, totally free now and I can strengthen my own health by choosing on what to eat and what to drink and this helps me for sports I can do (before I was the laziest person on earth), but all of this needed time of course, a long time of finding out that I need to go through the most destructing hell first before I could become stronger again. You need to survive the crisis before brighter days can start again. I’m sure about. I hope you don’t blame me for such a long comment.

See or „read“ you, coffeeld


Play tricks on your own routine-life

Man kann sein Leben auch einfach austricksen.

Man kann zum Beispiel schon vor dem Jahreswechsel anfangen, Sport zu treiben, um dem Druck mit den vielen Vorsätzen nicht zu erliegen, oder man kann Silvester auch einfach mal gar nichts trinken und dann mega straight ins nächste Jahr übersiedeln. Völlig ohne Kater.

Man kann auch wirklich mal nur einen Kaffee mit Likör verzehren und im direkten Anschluss eine ganze Kanne Tee und dann auf die ganze Alkoholtoxikation sowieso mal verzichten, selbst wenn der Tee entgiftend wirkt wie Brennnessel.

Ich glaube einfach keinen sesselfurzenden Esoterikbitches, witches, die sich der Therapie verschrieben haben im ausführenden style, die sagen, es gebe kein kontrolliertes Trinken. Wie können die das denn wissen, wenn sie selbst nie Eingeweihte der Materie gewesen sind? Manchmal fühle ich mich wie ein Kopernikus oder Galilei der Post-eine-Millionen-Post-Post-Post-Moderne, der sagt, die Erde sei eine Kugel.

Wer glaubt denn sowas schon, dass die Erde eine Kugel sei letztendlich oder dass wir in einem heliozentrischen System uns all befinden, uns? Wer?

Kann man Geschichten nicht auch anders schreiben? So wie Jules Vernes zum Beispiel.

Keine Frage

Ich bin mir unschlüssig, ob ich den Blogs von Narzissten folgen soll, die nicht mal eine einzige Frage beantworten können, ganz gleich, wie fett mega schlau die ihre Beiträge so klanghaft machen. Monologe sind ja auch nicht gut fürs Geschäft. Das hat sowas Abgehobenes kind of.

Ich bin mir auch unschlüssig, ob ich Freundschaften zu solchen, denen ich nicht mal mehr ein responding wert bin in Form eines Weihnachts- oder Neujahrsgrußes, einer Party-Invitation oder einer einfachen Auskunft über Fragen halt, die ich stelle, aufrechterhalten sollte.

Was hätte Jesus gesagt?