Two sides ?

Imagine a losing soul out there trying to find some cash by playing guitar in the streets. He will be able to make some money if he plays a bit, playing his chords he’s been knowing for ages already. But then he will see „somehow I could make some more cash if I played more known songs like they should be much more pupular and famous“. And more people will start to give him little cash for but only like pennys and coins for not listening carefully but only noticing.

Imagine a winning soul out there trying to find some peace and love in the streets by playing his chords. He is playing for joy and playing the most wonderful songs on earth he could ever play because they are coming out of heart. And the people listening to him for real, they won’t be many, only few, but those few people with a heart and soul and big love and passion will pay true attention to him, maybe they will give some money (probably more than any of the others because they don’t care for money), but somehow I think they would prefer giving some food, some drink or even some really hot fuck and a place to rest for a night maybe or two.

What would you like to choose on?
I know my answer. This time it is not both.

speedball

Alright. Speedball sent me this song when I was 14, it was the first song he sent to me „U2 – I still haven’t found what I’m looking for“. I fell in love with, even though I already knew it. I fell in love with Speedball, as well. One of the smartest, most beautiful human beings on earth. I’ve got 17 photos on my computer and this is the most beautiful.

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I can be my own teacher

I have dreams about being a director, directing my own movies. I would be a great director. Because I’m an actor as well.

I’m a director

because I’m an actor

: )

and that’s why you should call it diractor actually

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But sometimes I’m lonely. I need some physical love. Only sometimes. When I hug myself while crying and I’m sure about I do this, I’m not ashamed, I see Gollum and I remember the decoration on my wall when I was 15.

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Those few CDs, hehe, they’ve grown as well like double now

I even understand people now who see Gollum as a scary monster, a twisted mind, only insane. This is because of inability to love oneself. They are hunting for physical surrounding, desperately trying to find people and „friends“ so those friends can make them feel to beloved. They are afraid, only afraid of being alone and that’s why they will never find out about many beautiful things. I know this.

Loneliness is my second name. Lisa Loneliness. I’ve been growing inside of loneliness and isolation : ) ) I’m strong. Like Gollum. One day I will draw him and show you.

And this makes sense, you know? You’ve heard about Stockholm Syndrome? I know about and those conditions. If you kidnapp yourself and isolate and you fear to be killed by yourself (really high danger zone), you will fall in love with the one that kidnapped you. This is so true. You will be thankful and grateful for staying alive. NICE. I’m really smart.