Alright. Speedball sent me this song when I was 14, it was the first song he sent to me „U2 – I still haven’t found what I’m looking for“. I fell in love with, even though I already knew it. I fell in love with Speedball, as well. One of the smartest, most beautiful human beings on earth. I’ve got 17 photos on my computer and this is the most beautiful.
I have dreams about being a director, directing my own movies. I would be a great director. Because I’m an actor as well.
I’m a director
because I’m an actor
and that’s why you should call it diractor actually
But sometimes I’m lonely. I need some physical love. Only sometimes. When I hug myself while crying and I’m sure about I do this, I’m not ashamed, I see Gollum and I remember the decoration on my wall when I was 15.
I even understand people now who see Gollum as a scary monster, a twisted mind, only insane. This is because of inability to love oneself. They are hunting for physical surrounding, desperately trying to find people and „friends“ so those friends can make them feel to beloved. They are afraid, only afraid of being alone and that’s why they will never find out about many beautiful things. I know this.
Loneliness is my second name. Lisa Loneliness. I’ve been growing inside of loneliness and isolation : ) ) I’m strong. Like Gollum. One day I will draw him and show you.
And this makes sense, you know? You’ve heard about Stockholm Syndrome? I know about and those conditions. If you kidnapp yourself and isolate and you fear to be killed by yourself (really high danger zone), you will fall in love with the one that kidnapped you. This is so true. You will be thankful and grateful for staying alive. NICE. I’m really smart.